Yes, I'm sure Heidi Cullen of The Weather Channel's Forecast Earth is much prettier then The Gore. But this is not a beauty contest. This is hard core religion. If you are easily lured away from your faith by a pretty face, or someone a little less obese then The Gore, then you have failed Him. He tests your faith. When he gained 80 pounds and grew a beard that made him look like a character from "Deliverance" after the 2000 election, it was not because he was depressed. He was testing your faith.

The Gore is a jealous religious leader. This religion was started by Him and it is not to be lead by any other. If thou is so week in your faith that other leaders can turn your head, then other religions can also sway you. You must remain strong in your faith. This has happened to other religions in the past. The Church of Abortion lost its clear leadership and its membership has fallen. Our religion is more like the Church of Communism and Socialism, still going strong for over 100 years and still has a single recognized religious leader, Karl Marx.

Like many religions from the past, from the Aztec's Mesoamerican religion that required human sacrifice to the gods that control their climate to the Wicca religion that allows man to control nature through magic, our religion is based on the concept that our actions, large and small can control nature and thus our environment. Central to this control is global warming, but only in a negative sense. Since mankind is bad and evil, global warming has come to punish mankind. Only when we have remade society to our liking will the punishment end.

Thus, we must associate and blame all threats and bad events to global warming. If a child falls down a well, it is because of global warming. If it rains too much, it is because of global warming. If it rains too little, it is because of global warming. To make the connection, consider the trivia game "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon." Any bad event can be connection to global warming in six steps or less.

Don't say things like "Gore dam it" or "Al Gore." You may either get funny looks or end up involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward.

Once a year, or more if NBC is doing a promotion, thou shall celebrate the Earth Day. If any other events in any way have something to do with The Gore, like trees, looking like a tree, the Internet or speaking slow and monotone, then celebrate them as well. This is a day to wear your religion on your sleeve and force others to embrace the trapping of our church. It is a day to recruit new members and to chastise and punish the unbelievers.

Forsake thy parents and do the opposite of their teachings. For there are some things about our world that you know that older people don't know. That is because you are a member of our church. For some reason, older people won't join.

Do not kill, even if to save thy own life, any creature, great or small. Do not kill any plant, even to shelter or feed yourself. Do not allow to die, any animal or plant, even if that means to sacrifice your livelihood. In other words, quickly die of exposure, thirst or starvation. One of mankind's greatest evils that has lead to global warming is just too many people. So, do the Earth a favor and die.

However, if you are a member of the media, a scientist easily influenced by grant money, a grade school teacher or professor, or any government official, do not kill yourself just yet. The church needs you. Your service in The Gore's plan will bring glory to you.

Note: For former members of the Church of Abortion, it is still okay to kill babies.

Thou shalt not commit to buying any consumer goods. That is, unless it has been blessed by the application of the sacred labeling of "Organic." This label transforms the consumer product contained within into a Earth healing and spiritual cleansing magical elixir.

But if you do need something to be able to get through the day, in compliance with commandment 6, make it from the natural bounty of the Earth. You could also build it from things you already have, recycle it, buy it used, find it and take it from someone's trash can, garage, backyard, living room, or other places they may have discarded it. If people mistake you for a homeless person, then you are doing it right.

Don't look. Shield your eyes. This cable channel is the devil's work. It is full of Holocaust deniers and people who want to pollute mother Earth.

It is better to watch MSNBC. It is owned by General Electric, they have lots of inefficient green technology. It is like an infomercial for their products and for politicians that will force all of us, especially the people at Fox News, to spend our tax dollars on GE's green products.

The best way to grow our religion is through fear, public embarrassment, lies, emotion, whatever it takes. Don't fall into the trap of talking about science. You can't build an army of blind faith followers by appealing to people's reason. Reason and science is always up for debate. This is important, when evangelizing, if the question of science comes up, just say all good scientists agree and the science is settled. If they mention a scientist that disagrees, just explain that they are not a good scientist because they disagree.

Emotion is way better to get people to join the church. Accuse them of wanting a dirty planet, or being a Holocaust denier, or being a serial killer, or working for big oil, or beating their kids, or anything to get them on the defense. Once they are trying to convince you they are good, explain to them the good word of The Gore. They will embrace the light and be cleansed by its greenness.

The best way to prove yourself to our religion and the church, is to buy its products. Remember, The Gore is always testing your faith. The more expensive the product, the more faith you show. A hybrid is perfect. Its very expensive, so it shows great faith. While it may not be as fuel efficient as some cars, you must remember that you are making a statement about your faith. Its all about the status in the church and the high cost.

Also, buy General Electric products. We have many high ranking true believers and church members working at General Electric. Their entertainment companies, USA Network, Sci-Fi Channel, and others offer diverse religious programming for the entire family. Their NBC news outlets provide only the good news that help to strengthen our faith. Please vote for the politician that they tell you to vote for. That way, the IRS will make sure that more General Electric products will be purchased that normally we can't afford individually. Best of all, even non-believers will be forced to purchase products blessed by The Gore.